THE LEGEND OF VRYKERION

5 Endings I Hate More Than ME3

Wed, 30 May 2012 16:01:19 -0600

For the record, I don’t have a single issue with the Mass Effect 3 ending. I really liked it. Maybe it was because I was really to please. Maybe it was because I was expected something truly god awful based on what people were saying on Twitter. Or maybe it’s because I’ve seen much MUCH worse. Here’s a handful of endings that pissed me off in ways that Mass Effect 3 never could.

Battlestar Galactica: If there is way one to quickly push my buttons it’s a cheap cop-out ending. It was all a dream? Bite me. But one that gets going even more so? God did it. And that’s what we get at the end of the new BSG re-imagining. No real explanation. Just ‘God did it and that’s why it all works.’ You have got to be kidding me. No. You don’t just get to wave that wand around because you have some pseudo-religious themes in your show. You have to EARN ‘God did it’. There has to be reasons. There has to be motives. God doesn’t get a free pass because it’s God. It doesn’t work that way.

So unless you can actual give me an explanation as to why ‘God’ decides to wipe out the Cylons, sends them to a mysterious planet that they dub new ‘Earth’, destroy all their technology and jump start humanity. Cause as it stands there is NO REASON for them to do most of that other than to cram in a stupid message that technology is bad and God is good and they are somehow mutually exclusive.

Ranma 1/2: What’s worse than a bad ending? Well, how about a non-ending? Ranma 1/2 wrapped up after hundreds of pages of manga with a complete and utter non-event. The two closest things we have to main characters in a cast of dozens seem to be about to be married - something that was a LOOOONG time coming, and then POW! The whole wedding gets ruined by the baker’s dozen of other potential suitors and the massive series ends with a still shot of the two NOT married teens running off to school like they always do. No real conclusion. The end message is: put the last few volumes on a loop and read until the end of time. Thanks. Fabulous.

Teen Titans: Things. F-ing. Change. The biggest middle finger to the fans I can possible think off. Let’s bring back a very important character that was thought gone for good a few seasons back, make it super ambigous about whether its a look alike/clone/etc by giving them amnesia and a bunch of other weird hints, and then don’t resolve it giving one of the main cast a nice heaping helping of woobie angst in the process. Oh, and by the way: SERIES FINALE. This episode never existed as far as I’m concerned.

Neon Genesis Evangelion: Okay, so you spend 24 episodes of a 26 episode series building up some horrific apocalyptic ‘Third Impact’ event that will wipe out everything. So how do you start episode 25? Oh, with a text screen that proudly announces that the apocalypse already happened and the following two episodes take place AFTER that.

Beyond the fact that the last two episodes are entirely philosophical debates that take place within the main character’s head, there is never any explanation as to how or what the apocalypse was. You actually get the feeling at the end of Episode 24 that they just stopped the last risk that could have triggered it!

Luckily, we get a movie that explains what happened. Or maybe it’s a ‘what if’ alternate universe thing. No one is really sure if they are supposed to be in the same continuity. I always assumed they did. But the movie is just as whack-a-doo as the show or more so in some cases. And as a giant middle finger to the audience they made an even MORE non-sensical ending. Complete with utterly irrelevant imagery, vague dialogue and little to no context crammed in for the last minute.

Chrono Cross: So you’ve spent dozens of hours hacking your way through a plot more dense than Akira meets the Kingdom Hearts franchsie, and defeated the final boss. Finally we have a chance for some clarity as that last piece slides into place and puts all of this in some kind of conte- Who is that? Why is there some random live action girl wandering around live action Tokyo? Why does she have the magic pendant?

The ending of Chrono Cross requires more work in trying to decipher what it is supposed to be than the entirety of the rest of the game. And in a game that involves alternate universes, time travel, body swapping, conspiracies within conspiracies within conspiracies… that is saying A LOT. To be honest, I have no clue how anyone figured out what’s going on here without some kind of supplemental material. Which considering Square Enix’s fondness for companion books may have been the case. Anyway, it confused the heck out of me in an already confusing game.

As a fan of the original trilogy, I don't mind organic special effects at all, i.e. props like the Death Star and Qui-Gonn's communicator. I DO mind the excessive CGI, which might not necessarily be lazy, but God there's so much. I don't even think there's a single shot in any of the prequels without CGI in it.

Wed, 30 May 2012 11:59:35 -0600

Hmmm… you’ve touched on an interesting point.

There’s is an overwhelming amount of dislike for CGI nowadays and I quite honestly don’t get it. I’m not saying there isn’t bad or lazy CGI out there, but it seems like it’s very existence is enough to discredit a film for many. Which doesn’t make sense to me. Yes, the Star Wars prequels used a lot of CGI. But the CGI never made things confusing or hard to follow - for me at least.

Compare that to the use of CGI in a film like Transformers, where the robots are just giant masses of grey whirring parts and gizmos. If two robots are smashing into each other - with the exception of Bumblebee and maybe Optimus - can you really point out where one begins and the the other ends? It’s just a big messy lump of CGI bits that doesn’t seem to help the goal of showing a cool fight scene.

Star Wars has a ton of CGI. But it’s CGI used well in my opinion. It’s used to create fantastical locales and creatures, and it never leaves you confused as to what is going on or make all the characters look bland or similar. Except for the clones. Cause they’re clones.

Shadowrun: A pen & paper game that takes place in 2053-2070...

Tue, 22 May 2012 15:27:26 -0600

Shadowrun: A pen & paper game that takes place in 2053-2070 (depending on edition) that clashes semi-futuristic technology with reawakened magic and fantastical creatures such as Trolls, Orcs, and Dragons. Cyberpunk meets D&D. Usually not well liked by Cyberpunk purists, especially not liked by Cyberpunk legend William Gibson.

Cyberpunk 2020: An ACTUAL Cyberpunk pen & paper game.

You: Someone on the forums who is trying to look clever, and failing to do so.

(Also, if you are curious why the quoted individual wrote ‘Elve’ instead of ‘Elf’ it is probably because they tried to de-pluralize ‘Elves’. Public education FTW!)

blamerades: Whoa whoa, all this Avengers talk and 2012 being...

Tue, 15 May 2012 12:26:12 -0600

blamerades:

Whoa whoa, all this Avengers talk and 2012 being “the year of the archer” is cool and all, but we’re not forgetting the BEST ARCHER OF THEM ALL, are we??

(Ashitaka from Princess Mononoke)

For being such a great archer, he sure got reaaaaally close to that CURSED FRICKIN DEMON in a hurry.

Chuck Norris Fact #684: Chuck Norris wishes he was Norris MF-ing...

Sat, 12 May 2012 02:08:27 -0600

Chuck Norris Fact #684: Chuck Norris wishes he was Norris MF-ing Brewshatter.

There is a special place in gamer hell for me. (Click here if...

Thu, 10 May 2012 10:36:00 -0600

There is a special place in gamer hell for me. (Click here if you don’t get the joke.)

itswalky: More booze, please! This kind of thing never happens...

Wed, 09 May 2012 13:29:08 -0600

itswalky:

More booze, please!

This kind of thing never happens on #AskVrykerion. Just sayin.

cynwise: flavortextlore: in my heart these kaldorei are in...

Sun, 06 May 2012 14:04:11 -0600

cynwise:

flavortextlore:

in my heart these kaldorei are in Helm’s Deep

Battle of Ashenvale.

Blizzcon 2013.

I Did It 35 Minutes Ago...

Wed, 02 May 2012 14:50:00 -0600

“I came back to ensure that there would be a future, to teach the world that it no longer needed Guardians. The hope for future generations has always resided in mortal hands.” - Medivh, Warcraft III

You magnificent bastard… You knew. YOU KNEW ALL ALONG!

For Celestia!

Sun, 29 Apr 2012 14:23:23 -0600

For Celestia!

Fanboys. /shakes fist

Wed, 25 Apr 2012 15:39:53 -0600

1977: “Omigod! Did you know that to construct a model of the death star, they used parts from model ships? THAT IS SO AWESOME AND RESOURCEFUL!”

1999: “WTF? The scanner thing Qui-gon is using is just a gillette razor with a bunch of random hi tech crap slapped on it. WAY TO BE F-ING LAZY GEORGE LUCAS!”

/sigh. Fanboys.

In case you weren’t getting enough messianic vibes from...

Tue, 24 Apr 2012 11:17:25 -0600

In case you weren’t getting enough messianic vibes from comics with Superman or Batman…

You know this guy gets teased constantly back at the ninja...

Tue, 24 Apr 2012 11:15:55 -0600

You know this guy gets teased constantly back at the ninja academy.

narciii: I’m sure there’s a world in which this will come in...

Mon, 23 Apr 2012 22:43:15 -0600

narciii:

I’m sure there’s a world in which this will come in handy. A world in which fertile Kobold-Dragon hybrids seduce innocent maidens in Goldshire.

And people thought getting a Gold Chocobo was complex.

One Man's Trash...

Tue, 17 Apr 2012 18:41:00 -0600

The following is an actual NPC Conversation triggered wandering around Anchorhead on Tatooine.
Customer: Hey! This droid you sold me is a piece of junk! I want my money back!
Jawa: No refunds! You keep!
Customer: But it's busted! Stupid thing's vocabulator broke down as soon as I got home. Won't say a word now!
Jawa: Vocabulator not broken! Is feature!
Customer: A feature? Don't give me that! What good's a protocol droid if it can't even talk?

At 3AM, Vry's Thought Process Breaks Down

Mon, 16 Apr 2012 13:27:31 -0600

Me: Draw this for me. You are an artist and thus are subject to my whims.
Guildie: Wait... what? Why do I have to do it?
Me: You want a reason?
Guildie: Yes.
Me: Because Batman can breathe in space.

Doc: Uh… It looks like you got something in your eye.Vry:...

Sun, 15 Apr 2012 22:08:36 -0600

Doc: Uh… It looks like you got something in your eye.
Vry: Rawrrawrsnarlrawr!
Doc: I’m going to take that as “No, I don’t need help Doc. Go wait on the ship.”

cynwise: flavortextlore: omfg. I kinda want that set for...

Fri, 13 Apr 2012 10:36:47 -0600

cynwise:

flavortextlore:

omfg.

I kinda want that set for mogging now.

Anduin wanting to become a priest suddenly makes A LOT more sense.

flavortextlore: fighting horde by moonlight writing posts by...

Fri, 13 Apr 2012 10:34:19 -0600

flavortextlore:

fighting horde by moonlight

writing posts by daylight

dog soars through the air in midflight

And it’s still less weird than Sailor Stars. Go fig.

My current transmog project: Mech Knight Pally.HEAD:...

Fri, 06 Apr 2012 04:29:19 -0600

My current transmog project: Mech Knight Pally.
HEAD: Justicebringer 2000 Specs
Shoulder: Sanctified Lightsworn Shoulderguards
SHIRT: Brown Linen Shirt
CHEST: Merciless Gladiator’s Scaled Chestpiece
BELT: Girdle of the Endless Pit
LEGS: Merciless Gladiator’s Lamellar Leggaurds
BOOTS: Veteran’s Lamellar Greaves
GLOVES: Gauntlets of Martial Perfection
CAPE: Recovered Scarlet Onslaught Cape
WEAPON: Peacekeeper Blade
SHIELD: Force Reactive Disk
TABARD: Bilgewater Cartel